See, in life, if you’re hurting it’s usually a result of your unrealistic expectations.

Emotional pain comes from reality crashing into unrealistic expectations.

For example, in my life, I expect my husband to care about me and what’s going on in my life.  He plays along by telling me with his words, “I love you, respect you and care deeply about you.”  I, like an idiot, believe these declarations to be true as I define them.

If you knew my husband for more than 15 seconds, you would see that this is a sure fire recipe for hurt and frustration.

See, my husband doesn’t care about ANYONE but himself.  Yet, I keep living in this fantasy world where I apply my definition of “love” and “respect.”

In my world, love is an action word.  It means caring about the other person more than you care about yourself.  You put their needs, their best interest, before yours.

“Respect” is defined in my dictionary as “consideration for and deference to another’s privileges or knowledge.”

Now, after 22 years of marriage, I can tell you that my husband’s definition of love and respect differ greatly from mine.

In his book, love means he gets sexually aroused when he thinks about having sexual relations with me.  In his book, respect is what is due him from every other being on the planet.  His definition of respect is, “being regarded with admiration, esteem, and honor.”  In my husband’s book, respect means his word is law, no matter how self serving or destructive his actions may be to others.

As a result, I spend a lot of time in a state of unhappiness and hurt.  After all, he SAYS that he loves me, but he doesn’t act like it.

Sure he does.  He’s just not acting out MY definition.

I’m calling this blog “Harvesting Joy” because that is my goal in life right now.

I’ve created this very public airing of my dirty laundry because…..

I need to vent.

I am the Adult Child of an Alcoholic.

Gee, that’s not enough. Alcoholic doesn’t BEGIN to encompass the the depth and breadth of character flaws and narcissistic tendencies of my paternal parental unit.

I am writing this as a testimony.  I have survived.  I have even THRIVED, but only after moving 1300 miles away.  Only distance has given me the ability to catch my balance and begin living life to it’s fullest.